Mandibone's Blog

My Legs

Posted on: February 12, 2010

My legs are very short.My legs carry their share of scars from my childhood.My legs also carry a secert that I hardly share with any one.I have nerve pain in my both my legs from mid thigh to my ankles. This is a nerve pain that very few people have and the lucky ones to get this kind of nerve pain are usually elderly.

After my last open heart surgery almost four years ago my body decided to attack itself. My liver,kidneys,heart,lungs,and nerves in my legs. The major organs recovered my legs didn’t. I lost my ability to walk.I had to enter a rehab facility for 6 weeks. They taught me how to live life in my new coniditon.After I was released I had years physical therapy. I was lucky. I learned to walk again without being able to feel my legs.The nerve pain lives on.

I live in constant pain. It only gets tolerable. It never goes away.How they treat this pain is with very strong nacotics.I have two small children. I can not live my life on drugs. I have chosen to stop my pain pills. Today is 4 1/2 days without my pecorcet.Today I am not handling as well I as I have been.I hate all people and their stupid faces. My family is very supportive of my choice to be free.My doctor is not.He worries about how I am going to handle living a life in pain.

The pain is a burning. It feels like someone has set fire to them. You can only turn the burning down never off. Pecorcet turns the heat down.There is also an army of ants that marches up and down my legs.It is an itch that can not be itched.I also lose control of them.I can go down at anytime. When you can not feel your knees it is hard to control them. My legs also get tired quickly.When they get tired my right one drags behind.

It is hard to think that I am 31 years old and this is my life.I have a handicapped sticker because if it a bad leg day the less walking the better. I have been known to use the scooter in the grocery. I am worried about the pain.I am worried how being in serve pain everyday is going to affect my mood and patience. I need a great positive attitude to raise my girls.I can always go back to the pain pills.But I want to be free.

Thanks for reading

Mandi

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6 Responses to "My Legs"

You can do it. I’m proud of you!

Thanks for the support.

Wow Mandi. You are strong, you can do this. So, glad your family is being supportive and there to help you with this transition.

My family is kick ass. When I say family I mean people that bio linked to me and the people I have choosen for family.

I would have NEVER known this about you after meeting you at Disney. You are an amazingly strong woman who deserves to live you life the way YOU want, meds or no meds.

This is the start of how you will find others who will understand you and help you through your life.

I’m proud to know you.

I am pretty great at hiding. I can push everything down to get what I need to do, gets done.My girls come first over everything. My hot mess will never keep them from what they want to do with mom.It felt really like I lighten my load after hitting publish.Thanks again for the push.

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